2010....How it ended up...I know at last...

For decades, the last line of a very forgettable sequel to a bad novel (Oliver's Story, the bad sequel to the schmaltzy Love Story), Eric Segal writes about Oliver's thoughts following the breakup with his first girlfriend after Jenny's death...."Oliver sometimes wondered what his life would be like if Jenny had lived and not died.   He realized, he would still be alive."

My question....did Segal mean that Oliver would be alive regardless and compelled to  live his  life? Or did he mean if Jenny were alive, he would still be alive, because now he is dead (inside)?  The choice of "would be" implies that he may not be alive...

I always wanted to write to Eric Segal and ask him about what HE intended that line to mean...that Oliver was a survivor, or that he had died in spirit with his beloved.....I never did....he died.

I thought there would be time.

Last year, I wanted to know what life would be like at the end of 2010......would we have a miracle, what would the miracle be anyway.,remission, cure, or loving acceptance of the end of our  beautiful  Love Story.....

But now I know.

Bobby would die.

I am still alive.

Horror to hope, December 11 2009 and 2010

A year ago today,I called out from ICU and our lives ended.  It was our turn. The ONLY thing guaranteed in life is that if you love someone, one day, you're going to say good-by. That's the deal......oh would I shut up with the platitudes!!!!  What a sucko year!  Not just our house, but lots of loss in this town this year......

And here it is..... finally, this year, which I knew would be hard to endure, is almost over....and life goes on....incredibly, miraculously, seasons seem more vivid, friends and colleagues are more endearing, laughter is MORE intense - hugs are stronger.....and I look at everyone like I might not seem them again....and everyone looks better....

In September,on encouragement from the unlikely family formed by Valerie Waters (RedCarpetReady), I met up with the women of the forum I help moderate....