We awake....aline comes out, he's up to the bathroom where I wash him up and he quips that he wants these steroids gone so he can love up his hot wife agan!!! I chuckle and help him shampoo and shave...he examines his face, leaned out to model thinness and handsome even with the gauze headband on....he looks at himself with some pride and ego and grins down at me, "Now,with these steroids, am I going to have a moonface?" I nod, "Yup, and likely 20 more lbs too!" He scowls...." And I"m going to lose my hair?"
oh deception,thy name is bob, how about worrying about your life, not your looks?
"yeah, you're going to be a fat, bald, moonface"..... I wrap my arms around him and we shufffle out of the bathroom and I tuck him back in, plop next to him and turn his face to me, looking at him with the look that always meant he was going to get "lucky"...and said, "Guess, I never told you before....but I get really turned on by bald,moonfaced men fighting cancer!".....
He laughs out loud, my heart swells with joy and bursts with love, he hugs me tight, tears brimming and he whispers in my ear, "God, I LOVE YOU MISH..... I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH....You are MY LIFE".......
Well, we gather our wits soon as he realizes he hasn't had breakfast.... I remind him that he HAS.....but I am soon off searching for more food as he is moved back to the Cancer floor....
I go home and stop at the Y to work out.....I've lost a few pounds this week....I do Val's workout....and I"m so tired, I can easily pretend I'm in Brentwood, at Progym, with MB next to me...and a day of healthy eating and yoga and workouts ahead.....the Y has become a place to escape real life for an hour....
I get the kids at 3 and they are filled with news that the whole school prayed for Dad, and I give them the "wonderful" news that Dad's brain is back and we have a known cancer to fight , (please God, let it not be small cell)...
We go to Ukrops for food and as always,the kids visit with Lisa in the food aisle who tears up hearing that the "nice tall, handsome man" is sick...the kids get free pizza and we go upstairs to do our people watching,goofing at people and its bizarre, less than one week ago,we were clueless.....our lives were blissfully mundane.....now all is over....and a new life begins....
Thursday morning...phone rings at 7am...its DocK - stayed with me into the night that first night, went home and slept 3 hours and was back at my side....I see God in Cancer docs....especially that man..."your boy is good to go!"
Dropped the kids at school, hit the Y for workout and shower...then down to Careplex...tears and sobbing persist...but I buck up.....and get in there....I hug Jill and her Dad...and tell her I will never forget how she was there with me in literally the darkest night of my life...and I"ve had some dark nights! The nurses greet me with smiles that mask that Nurse-look "Poor thing, we know the poor prognosis, let her have a good day,"....I dismiss their looks, I know more than any of them.....I am older and have been around more than any of them....I KNOW the prognosis.....no matter what Dr.K says...I KNOW....but you know what....today looks pretty darn good!!!
Bob dresses himself, and I bubble up with joy as he matches his socks, and shoes, and he now has vision to shave himself, both sides of his face....he sputters over AIG and anti trust laws that were not enforced, rallies with loathing about Sarah Palin, and bemoans the fall of Tiger......his mind, his emotions are all back.
I drive him home and he asks to stop at the golf course....I pull the car over....."Bobby, we thought we'd lose you a couple days ago....you have a family that needs to see you honey....I'll take you later, but right now, you have to have a heart and think of what we've endured as well...." He is taken aback and his face looks stricken....he is in denial..he doesn't want to know that this is all real.....and ...he doesn't need to ..."
Suddenly getting it....I say, " you know what? Lets drive around and have a look to make sure its still there"....he says, "no, you're right" .....we compromise and take a whizzing drive around and get off at the marina and breathe in the good air blowing in from the James....."Ok, let's go see the kids....and get some food..."
We come home to a house filled with delicious smells, Mom is cooking and greets him with spoonfuls of things to taste..
His weight, 200lbs for 20 years had plummetted in 3 weeks to 185, but with the steroids he is up to 191,...The kids arrive home from school with laughter and hoots...the dogs encircle and cry with happiness...
Perfection.......This man has given me moments of perfection......and though the past days are filled with breathsapping coughing fits of agonizing grief...they melt from my memory,knowing I will always remember this joyous homecoming, and the fact that I have a happy family, all together, having dinner, today.....is there anymore than today anyway?
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