2nd chemo - neulasta and one week later, Bob is on the floor in the bathroom ,and in that intimidating voice, won't let me call 911.....I finally get the car and pull it up to the door, Jen, my lovely neighbor, out for almost a year with horrible back surgery results, calls over, "what's going on?!" And before I can protest, she is at my door.
We drape Bob over our shoulders - me with to cartilage, her with no lower back, and she declares, "Its Ok Bob, Buddy we Got ya!" In his weakness and and confusion, Bob looks down at us and gives a withering, "Oh Great...."
We scrape him into the car and I take off.
Hours later, he is rehydrated, electrolytes replenished, IV antibiotics infusing.....Because we are there, Doc P has him rescanned.....I raise an eyebrow on hearing "spots on liver" and spot on mediastinum.....that mediastinum was NEVER visible in CT scan, and in theory should've been "exquisitely sensitive" to chemo, not so large that it is now visible!!! Doc P said the liver things might've always been there and grew in the lapse of treatment from Dec.-Jan....but the thing in the chest.......no matter, he looks better, my wonderful colleagues surround us....and we are going home - and he is getting a port...
Dr.T, my long time friend, is the surgeon...he recognizes Bob's name from the course....he is filled with compassion when Bob won't take his wedding ring off....He promises to run it up to me in ICU himself....He comes in to ICU walks directly to me and hugs me with a knowing that I well understand in his eyes....I wearily smile, "hey, it ain't over till its over right?" And he gets it,straightens up and says, "that's IT! We're pressing on..."
Press on......this dance of loss......Oh, I am having moments of great delusion and hope! Maybe this time next year all will be hooting at me for being so dismal...Oh may it be so!!!!!
Meanwhile...in this longest Williamsburg Winter,.....We had snow! A Hell of a snowstorm!!!! And no plows...none....
No comments:
Post a Comment