A night of bliss,sore joints,and pouring of words....

I go to seek out Jill and hug her as Bob sleeps....she tells ICU that I'm from the Burg, can asses him better than anyone, and won't be a problem..ie, I may stay with him in the room that night....we have open visitation in Williamsburg,but from what I've seen of THIS bunch of families, I well understand the restrictions!!!

I return to his room,its around 2200 pm..He is sitting up munching a bisquit from chickfila - gift from the nurses he has charmed as they share THEIR dinners with him....beside that, a hospital tray of meatloaf and more bisquits and butter....He perks up, "HI Hon!They say my diet can be advanced as tolerated!" The nurse looks at me sheepishly, "we tried to convince him to stick to jello and applejuice for 12 hours...but he was soooo hungry!!" I wave her aside, and drop onto my Bobby's chest, "ANYthing he wants.." and a silent word to God, "he KNOWs me....Thanks God..."

Looking at the munching man, I have to ask, "Doll, give it to me,year, President, etc," With biscuit still in his mouth, he says, "2009, Obama, Biden, December something..."

The nurse nodded, "yup, he's oriented x 3....but the anesthesiologist said that as he woke up, he grogglily said, "oh NO, I missed the tournament!!!" " I realize he is with it...

Anesthesia showed up...said he extubated easily and was enjoying a very controlled copd, didn't requre any treatments or anything..... I reminded him that massive steroids will make anyone breathe better!!!! Not one easily encouraged am I......

By midnight, Bob is finally done eating and complains that his head hurts...the nurse comes in and asks me, "4 mgs of morphine?' Ichuckle...."Watch what happens with 2..." She shrugs, starts with 2 and before she leaves the room his eyes are rolling back....then he jerks awake...."MISH?!" "Yes Love, I"m right here" "Ok,, phew....I love you"......."Love you too...."...

He is out....I click on my phone and weep silently as dozens of heartfilled messages fill my email and facebook...My heart swells with unworthiness and adoration for all of them...They are teaching me that I am rich. Fellowship is the answer to the question of life.

I shower in the bathroom and put on the soft clothes that Jill got for me...I pray that life brings her joy a hundred fold for what she has done for me....I pop a little Starbucks drink,eat some trailmix and gaze at the sleeping Bob...Sleeping the quiet, deep sleep of a brain relieved of pressure, his lungs relaxed by steroids....his being reinfused with intelligence.......

Thank you God, Thank you Sisters and Brothers in Medicine, Thank you Decadron.....days of not eating, not drinking enough not sleeping begin to fog my thoughts as I begin to drop to sleep...half in a chair, half on his bed....

As I drift off, I realize I have never felt denial in all this...It is our turn....

I am in acceptance.....he's not demented, he's not in DTs, he's not depressed.....he has Cancer....